I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
