Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
