I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
