she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
