Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
