i was born a porn star she said
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
