I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
