apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
soo... how was my night?
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