My first STD was from a foam party
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
