I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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