You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
