Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
