The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
