Define "chronic" masturbator.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
