boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
