Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize