Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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