I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
