Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Mom said you looked used
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
