I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
