Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize