I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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