If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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