have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
