Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
