Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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