Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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