Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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