the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
