Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
