I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
