drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
