dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
