and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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