Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize