So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
