According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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