I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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