billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
