Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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