Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
