i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Terrible idea I love it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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