Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
