THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
