i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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