Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
are you so shy because you have an std?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
