I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
