Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
