My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
