he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
