she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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