Plan B is the new Plan A
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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