some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
