At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
