i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
