my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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