the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
