apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
