I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
