I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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