bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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