Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize