He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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