She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
