proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you had me at cake vodka
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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